Teach Us to Sit Still seemed
like an appropriate title for a book to read on the flight from London to
Sydney a couple of weeks ago. The book, written by Tim Parks (a successful
author who was shortlisted for the Booker Prize for his novel, Europa) turned out to be an even better
choice than I had expected. The book provided me with a timely reminder of the
benefits of Vipassana meditation. When I became too tired to read, I put on my
eye mask and spent a couple of hours observing the sensations arise and pass
away. That is something that I should do more regularly.
Tim has a delightfully dry sense of humour, which he has
used to good effect in this book to tell the story of how he overcame severe
pelvic pain that had made his life miserable. The medical profession was unable
to find the cause of his problem, but Tim found that ‘paradoxical relaxation’ helped.
This technique involves calmly identifying and observing tension without trying
to relax it; the paradox is that the muscles eventually relax themselves.
Tim’s massage therapist told him that ‘paradoxical
relaxation’ had some similarity to Vipassana meditation and he decided eventually
to attend a Vipassana course.
Although his immediate problem was cured, Tim felt that there was much work
still to be done – predators ‘prowled the borders of the small haven of
comfort’ he had staked out.
Tim approached Vipassana with irreverent scepticism, but
this did not prevent the experience from having a profound impact. I want to
focus here on the impact it had on his desire to continue to be a successful
author.
At one point in his first meditation course, Tim is
reflecting on the relationship between novels and life. He notes that the
novels that ‘most accurately, intensely and wonderfully’ imagine life tend to
keep us away from life: ‘If it is life we want, we put the book down’. This
leads him to consider his own thought processes:
‘First the emotion, then the excited
reflection on emotion, attempting to divert it from its initial function, to
enroll it in my career project, to turn it into smartness and writing’.
During his second meditation course Tim accepts that the
time has come to face up to ‘simply being here, instead of taking refuge in
writing about being here’. He comes to consider the possibility that his former
illness might be a consequence of his successful writing career:
‘Nor was it unthinkable that the strange pains I had been
feeling had in some way to do with all those years sitting tensely, racking my
brains over sheets of empty paper, building up hopes, rejoicing over some small
achievement, overreacting to setbacks and disappointments. And it was true that
if you placed yourself, or your attention, as it were beside these pains, if you just sat together with them and let them
be, not reacting or wishing them away, they did in the end subside. Likewise
the thoughts’ … .
The passage goes on with Tim acknowledging that he had
sensed the first hints of equanimity. He concludes:
‘All you have to do now is stop writing … and you’ll have
clinched it. You’ll have changed forever’.
When Tim tells the meditation teacher, John Coleman, that he
is thinking of giving up his writing career, Coleman responds:
‘You know a lot of people come to these retreats and get it
into their heads they should retire to a monastery or something. I can’t see
why’.
Tim didn’t think that response was helpful; it didn’t
resolve the conflict that he saw between word mongering and experiencing life.
So, how did Tim resolve that conflict? Well, he obviously didn’t
stop writing. He has written a couple of other books since writing Teach Us to Sit Still, including the
novel, Sex is Forbidden (first
published as The Server). And some of
the things he has written suggest that he still sees the potential for
conflict. For example in an article entitled ‘The Chattering Mind’, for the NYR Blog, Tim suggests that modern authors are obsessed with mental suffering and
impasse: ‘Slowly you get the feeling that only mental suffering and impasse
confer dignity and nobility’.
I have just read Sex
is Forbidden to see whether it sheds any light on the effect that meditation
had on Tim’s writing. This novel tells the story, in first person, of a rather naughty young woman who has
spent several months at a meditation institute
both as a meditator and as a voluntary helper (server) following a
traumatic experience. Despite segregation of sexes at the institute, the young
woman almost ends up in another relationship with an older man, after she
stumbles on his diary and reads it. The main character is likeable, the challenges
facing her are interesting and the story-line seems plausible. At the end,
however, I was left unsure of how well Tim had actually managed to capture what
might be happening in the mind and emotions of the young woman. (I went looking for
reviews by women, but the only review I found that attempted to deal with the
issue was by an opinionated man.)
The relevant point, however, is that while this novel is
focused on mental suffering it manages to end on a hopeful note. We know that
while the main character is unlikely to live happily ever after, her chances of
living a happy life have improved.
Tim made a similar point in an interview with Jan Wilm:
‘So has meditation
changed my writing? I’m not sure. … What I am talking about in a lot of my
books is this process whereby you get yourself into a position from which there
is no way out. Which is also a way of saying, the whole way you’ve structured
your mental life actually doesn’t fit the nature of reality, because when you
carry on in the way your map tells you to, you always end in a place on the
territory where there’s nowhere to go. A lot of life feels like that to me. The
different thing about The Server—and I was quite surprised about
this when I wrote the end of the novel—is that here there is a feeling that, if
nothing else, that period in the meditation retreat has helped these two people
to avoid one more catastrophe, one more dead end. And that the girl, if not the
man, has maybe moved on ever so slightly. She is not stuck, she seems able to
move forward. I was quite surprised by my optimism’.